A week from today it will be 15 years since my mother died.
It is crazy, it was half my lifetime ago!
Most years all of the mother’s day sales, emails, cards, and constant
chatter drive me nuts but this year I was so focused on my practice that I just
deleted the e-mails and moved on.
Saturday night, the night before Mother’s Day, I had a crazy
high fever and I went into a deep meditation.
I believe fevers are an amazing process that the body creates
to burn off foreign invaders. It is brilliant and beautiful that the body is
intelligent enough to raise the temperature just enough to kill off something
that is trying to harm the body. Having a properly functioning nervous system
is key to this process being swift. Although it is not super comfortable I work
really hard to meditate through the highs and low of the fever and often find
that I am able to really connect with the body on this cellular level.
When the fever was not as high during the day I went up into
the valley for dinner at Full of Life Flatbreads, on the way back I was super
emotional thinking about my mother. I do not mourn for her the way I use to, I
just miss her some days more than others. I always will! I am so happy that I
got 14, almost 15, years with an awesome, funny, caring, dedicated,
intelligent, and amazing mom. I would rather have had a short time with her
than a lifetime with any other mother.
She was imperfectly perfect, came to all of my swim meets, taught
special education until bout a month before she died, put in hundreds of
volunteer hours at church, worked full time but always made sure there were
homemade meals, and constantly pushed me to be my best.
Normally I work all of the time but this weekend I spent a
lot of time in bed, unable to really do much since my balance was totally lacking
and I was shaking so much that I needed to be wrapped up in several blankets.
It gave me time to think about my mother, time to be grateful for her, time to
remember her love, and time to let my body rest.
People seem to forget how difficult days like this can be
for those of whom have lost or simply do not have a parent. On the surface everyone
seems so happy but holidays can be so painful for some people. I try to make Mother’s
Day a day to remember and honor my mother, honor my step mother, tell my 88
year old grand mother how much I love her and move on with my life. It may seem
strange but I am actually grateful for the raging fever I had this weekend and
the time it gave me to reflect on where I came from and where I am going. My
body forced me to slow down and I am able to start this week with clarity and
an open heart.
ADIO Love,
Dr. Elizabeth Wisniewski
