The
moment that my right eye rejected the precious dying gift of a cornea
transplant, I in return rejected my right eye. It was dead to me because it failed
me after I had worked so hard to preserve its sight and integrity. How could it
do this to me?
It failed me after I had embarrassed myself in
public by wearing patches over my glasses, on the left side, in order to
strengthen the muscles around the right eye. It failed me by leaving me half in
the dark. IT failed me because there was no way that I would be able to be a
doctor with only one working eye. It failed me by its rich blue color fading
away. It failed me.
For
many years, I hid behind designer sunglasses, hats, even having my bangs cut on
an angle to cover the right eye. It was dead to me and I replaced it with
shame.
IT
failed me because I could no longer look into someone’s eyes or the mirror. It failed
me because it made me different. It finale dme because it took a somewhat
invisible disease and made it visibly present. It failed me.
Working
through the shame storm has been one of the most strenuous tasks of my adult
life. I started to take steps to regain my confidence and to show the world how
my eye had failed me. I grew out my bangs, I wore my designer glasses less and
less. I grew a thicker skin when
strangers made comments about my eyes looking different. I started to embrace
my friends telling me how ethereal or angelic the light blue iris looked. As I
grew the strength of my third eye chakra I was able to embrace the fact that I
had “oracle eyes” and feel a sense of pride.
As
my deeper spiritual awakening happened in the midst of a huge business related
battle and simply the pressure of life were intense… I realized that I had failed
my right eye. I had rejected its presence. I had rejected its death. I had
created the reality of shame.
I
failed my right eye by covering it with designer glasses. I failed my right eye
by having g my bangs cut on an oblique angle to cover my right eye. I failed my
right eye by allowing it to become a partial vacuum absorbing energies from others.
I failed my right eye by not realizing the gifts it had afforded me. I had failed
my right eye.
It
has been a solid decade since that surgery, as far as I can remember. Lifetime of 30 surgeries and going under
general anesthesia more than 45 times definitely clouds the memory! The
surgeries are all lumped together in one area of my brain and I find it
difficult to identify of that part of my past fully. My spiritual experience has been like a giant
butterfly net. I am running around in a beautiful green field full of wild
flowers, gathering the pieces of my soul that were lost during all of those surgeries
and traumas. As I collect the pieces, I remember more a more of the experiences.
It helped me to remember the moment that my right eye rejected the cornea
transplant. At that time I felt a huge seen
some built over wasting this gift from a donor, shame for the loss of sight,
and despair from losing half of one of my senses. When my right eye rejected
the cornea transplant, I had rejected my right eye.
What
I did not realize then but know now to be true is that when my right eye
rejected the cornea, it gave me a huge gift!
It gifted me when patience. It gifted me with a strong sense of
intuition. It gifted me with strength. It gifted me with tenacity. It gifted me
with courage. It gifted me with an opportunity to be a very powerful healer. It
gifted me with compassion. It gifted me with my life purpose. It gifted me with
authentic, true sight.
In
this gift I have come to recognize that sight has nothing to do with the sense
of seeing. I have redefined sight as the deep seed of knowing or knowingness.
It is felt in the soul, in the psyche, and throughout the body. Sight is intuitive,
compassionate, understanding and kind. Sight is through the third eye and
envelopes the entire energetic body. Sight, the deep seed of knowing.
In
this deep seed of knowing, I recognize the precious gift I received through the
rejection and death of the cornea. It
was the full cycle of life and death. It was a place to practice mourning and a
place to practice loving. It was a place to practice patience and a place to
practice the feeling of fear and shame. It opened more than my eyes, it opened
my heart and soul to my life purpose. It was my body’s innate intelligence that
knew the plan already despite my spirit rejecting the plan for a decade. Innate
knew there was a greater purpose for me in this lifetime and that in order to
fully realize this purpose part of me had to die. In this death I was cast to the depth of the underworld
only to resurface with a deep seed of knowing. This new found sense of true sight
was the worth the wait, worth the pain, and worth the resurrection. When my
right eye sacrificed itself, it provided me with a profound resurrection and realization
of my life purpose. In order for me to see the world in this new way though, I
had to first fully see myself.
*Get clear, be inspired, Cultivate
Vitalism*
Elizabeth M. Wisniewski, DC
Follow me on twitter and Instagram @CherryChiro8
