My right eye rejected the cornea transplant, So I rejected my right eye

                The moment that my right eye rejected the precious dying gift of a cornea transplant, I in return rejected my right eye. It was dead to me because it failed me after I had worked so hard to preserve its sight and integrity. How could it do this to me?

 It failed me after I had embarrassed myself in public by wearing patches over my glasses, on the left side, in order to strengthen the muscles around the right eye. It failed me by leaving me half in the dark. IT failed me because there was no way that I would be able to be a doctor with only one working eye. It failed me by its rich blue color fading away. It failed me.

                For many years, I hid behind designer sunglasses, hats, even having my bangs cut on an angle to cover the right eye. It was dead to me and I replaced it with shame.

                IT failed me because I could no longer look into someone’s eyes or the mirror. It failed me because it made me different. It finale dme because it took a somewhat invisible disease and made it visibly present. It failed me.

                Working through the shame storm has been one of the most strenuous tasks of my adult life. I started to take steps to regain my confidence and to show the world how my eye had failed me. I grew out my bangs, I wore my designer glasses less and less.  I grew a thicker skin when strangers made comments about my eyes looking different. I started to embrace my friends telling me how ethereal or angelic the light blue iris looked. As I grew the strength of my third eye chakra I was able to embrace the fact that I had “oracle eyes” and feel a sense of pride.

                As my deeper spiritual awakening happened in the midst of a huge business related battle and simply the pressure of life were intense… I realized that I had failed my right eye. I had rejected its presence. I had rejected its death. I had created the reality of shame.

                I failed my right eye by covering it with designer glasses. I failed my right eye by having g my bangs cut on an oblique angle to cover my right eye. I failed my right eye by allowing it to become a partial vacuum absorbing energies from others. I failed my right eye by not realizing the gifts it had afforded me. I had failed my right eye.

                It has been a solid decade since that surgery, as far as I can remember.  Lifetime of 30 surgeries and going under general anesthesia more than 45 times definitely clouds the memory! The surgeries are all lumped together in one area of my brain and I find it difficult to identify of that part of my past fully.  My spiritual experience has been like a giant butterfly net. I am running around in a beautiful green field full of wild flowers, gathering the pieces of my soul that were lost during all of those surgeries and traumas. As I collect the pieces, I remember more a more of the experiences. It helped me to remember the moment that my right eye rejected the cornea transplant.  At that time I felt a huge seen some built over wasting this gift from a donor, shame for the loss of sight, and despair from losing half of one of my senses. When my right eye rejected the cornea transplant, I had rejected my right eye.

                What I did not realize then but know now to be true is that when my right eye rejected the cornea, it gave me a huge gift!  It gifted me when patience. It gifted me with a strong sense of intuition. It gifted me with strength. It gifted me with tenacity. It gifted me with courage. It gifted me with an opportunity to be a very powerful healer. It gifted me with compassion. It gifted me with my life purpose. It gifted me with authentic, true sight.

                In this gift I have come to recognize that sight has nothing to do with the sense of seeing. I have redefined sight as the deep seed of knowing or knowingness. It is felt in the soul, in the psyche, and throughout the body. Sight is intuitive, compassionate, understanding and kind. Sight is through the third eye and envelopes the entire energetic body. Sight, the deep seed of knowing.

                In this deep seed of knowing, I recognize the precious gift I received through the rejection and death of the cornea.  It was the full cycle of life and death. It was a place to practice mourning and a place to practice loving. It was a place to practice patience and a place to practice the feeling of fear and shame. It opened more than my eyes, it opened my heart and soul to my life purpose. It was my body’s innate intelligence that knew the plan already despite my spirit rejecting the plan for a decade. Innate knew there was a greater purpose for me in this lifetime and that in order to fully realize this purpose part of me had to die.  In this death I was cast to the depth of the underworld only to resurface with a deep seed of knowing. This new found sense of true sight was the worth the wait, worth the pain, and worth the resurrection. When my right eye sacrificed itself, it provided me with a profound resurrection and realization of my life purpose. In order for me to see the world in this new way though, I had to first fully see myself.

*Get clear, be inspired, Cultivate Vitalism*

Elizabeth M. Wisniewski, DC

www.DrElizabethWisniewski.com

Follow me on twitter and Instagram @CherryChiro8

Breath

Breathe in

This is your moment to reclaim your own lived experience,

Breathe out

Settling into your skeletal system

Breathe in

Allowing for microscopic or massive expansion

Breathe out

Emancipating stored emotions

Breathe in

Open access ancestral knowledge

Breathe out

Hyperactive, hyper sensitive, hyperstimulated immobility

Breathe in

Restoration of mind, body, spirit, and planet

Breathe out

Love, patience, kindness, forgiveness to the universe

Breathe in

Your profound reclamation of self

Breathe out

Your work is complete… For now

Ghost of old man Hickory

this is what occurs when you are a PhD student in depth psychology and practicing full-time as a chiropractor! You spend your Friday nights reading books on dream tending, journaling, and writing a quick poem! I give you my heart, my soul, my grief, my sorrow, my joy, my love and light! In love and light always, Dr. Elizabeth 

Trapped within flashing darkness

My soul confined by grief

Pain higher quality than sharpness

Torn away from me in the night by a master thief

More than missing your essence

Our cards just trickery?

Hope bubbling with effervescence

Ghost of old man hickory

Nightmares and daydreams of an epic return

And old for Milyer knock

Tending dreams, on able to fully discern 

Broken handles of great grandma's golden clock

Diving to the depths of my own psychology,

Determining my life's purpose, writing my anthology

Core of Courage part 4: Dynamic life purpose

Core of Courage: Part 4

Courage to live an authentic, dynamic life purpose

I run, courage always wins the race.

I hide, courage knows where I live.

I out maneuver, courage wrote the book on my heart.

I surrender, courage pushes me closer to the edge.

I leap, courage plants me safely on the ground.

I love, courage rewards me.

I love courage

I embody courage

Yet here I am again, facing the core of courage. It haunts my daydreams and holds me close at night. I cannot escape this word, this concept, this idea. I must give in once again, I bow to you courage. You are not about strength, you are only about telling ones truth from their authentic heart space. You are my constant teacher, inner critic, and motivating force. Your shape shifting dance I find intriguing, despite the urge to ignore you.

As courage whispered to me this morning in meditation, my life purpose is dynamic. I had this sense that I had my personal purpose statement which has guided my career and it was “good enough”. But, as I tapped further into truth I realized it was something bigger… something with tremendous force guiding me, pushing me, protecting me, and telling me to define my purpose. This morning it was in my ear, telling me to really think about my motto. My classic sign-off and life motto I developed is “Get clear, be inspired, Cultivate Vitalism”. Those first two words “get clear” wereforcing me to go in deeper, to get truly curious about life purpose. My over arching purpose is to inspire others to be the best version of themselves. This comes from a place of genuine love and a full heart dedicated to service. Although this may be my motivation, it was not clear… I needed to name names , and get crystal-clear.  

I walked around my house, which is my nest of peace, with a huge piece of sage. Out loud I was fitting words on for size… trusting in the process that words would measure-up and fit together in a perfect albeit convoluted  puzzle.

I love the word “inspire” because it is a more inside-out approach than motivation. So, I knew it had to be part of my purpose. I also love the word “cultivate” since it is a very grounding, earth connected word. I had this perfect connect in my chakra system occurring as I meditated. “Inspire” from the top down and “cultivate’ from the bottom up. Bringing all my energy, life force, and intention to the center of my body… giving me power and creativity. I thought of the middle chakras… courage for the heart, power for the solar plexus, and creativity for the sacral chakra. I knew that if my life purpose statement was powerful, then I would never need to use a word like “power”.

Then, like a lightning bolt hitting my heart, splitting it open a bit further, it came to me. I said the word out loud several times in different order… I felt each one of their vibrations resonate with each cell of my being. Did the words feel dynamic? Did the words reflect my authentic self and truth? Could the words connect past, present, and future? Did they feel good? Did this fully explain and encapsulate my desire to serve the world? Was it clear yet open? Was it true?

My dynamic, authentic like purpose:

Cultivate and inspire creative courage

This is what resonates with all 7 trillion cells of my being. This is where my mind, body, spirit connect in Holy Communion with the earth. This is my truth and life’s work. In this purpose I can use my intuition, knowledge, hands, heart, creative dreams, everything to serve the world. In this purpose, I am complete.

Steps to cultivate and create a life purpose statement

1 Meditate! Allow thoughts to wash over you, run over your body, then leave. Do this regularly and begin to notice the patterns of thoughts.

2 Journal, before or after (perhaps both) as a brain dump, brain storm, daily journal to find clarity.

3 brain storm on paper, out loud, or with trusted friends on the words and phrases that inspire you.

4 identify where you have been in this lifetime and where you wish to be. Who do you want to be? Who do you want to serve? What kind of impact  do you want to have on this world?

5 trust in this process

6 play with words out loud, feel how each word resonates in you r body.  Only choose those words that expand your heart space!

7 Have several options and meditate on them and then present them to trusted advisers

8 proclaim your purpose to the universe- in ceremony, in communion with  mother earth, out loud, on paper, in meditation. Be one with yoru purpoe.

9 Make decisions based on wehther you are getting closer or further from this purpose.

10 Know that this purpose is dynamic, ever changing, ever evolving. Again, trust int eh process! Live a life of courage, conviction, and commitment to service and the universe will always provide.

If you wish to learn more please follow me on Facebook Dr. Elizabeth Wisniewski and send me a message there if you wish to be added to my private mentoring group!

In courage and truth,

Dr. Elizabeth M. Wisniewski

Get clear, be inspired, Cultivate vitalism

  

Core of Courage: Part 3

The Core of Courage: Part 3

It has been a while since I last wrote about courage, but it is never far from my heart and mind. My heart is where I go to consult with courage, intuition, and life purpose. It use to be more difficult to summon courage, I use to have to coax it out and nurture its existence.  It hid away under the negative self-inflicted “hyper sensitive” label and rarely tap into courage at will.

Today, a random stranger on the street had unkind, unwelcomed, and unwarranted words toward me. This man said, “I may be dumb but at least I am not blind”. I could have lashed out. I could have cried. I could have perseverated on the ignorant remark. Perhaps in the past these would have been my response. But now, I stand and live in the wake of courage. I did not respond, I moved forward silently yet proud. The silence was not a sign of weakness but a way for me to go in deep with courage and consult my heart for guidance. For ignorance is not bliss, ignorance is sad and also a wonderful time for lessons to be learned. It is often a lesson for you, not something that you must teach another. It is you time to act with grace, dignity, and surrender to the process. Instead of me scolding these remarks, I find it best to live my life which is full of passion, conviction, courage, and unwavering devotion to others. My life is based on a heart of service which can only be accomplished if I allow ignorance to wash over me momentarily but never allow it to penetrate my soul. Ignorance is temporary despite the words wanting to continuously echo in the depths of the mind, causing indefinite torture. Breaking the cycle of this echo chamber allows for tremendous freedom of the mind, body, and spirit. This freedom is a place where judgments are cast aside and heart based living is crowned king.

In my silent response, I thought to myself what this mans life must be like… I believe him to have been homeless but perhaps that is ignorant for me to assume. Either way, he is struggling.  For that my heart goes out to him.

Something that I have realized though, is that people believe that they can say whatever they want, whenever they want, to anyone. In my so-called disability I have discovered tremendous discrimination. Even in the past couple of weeks I have had to go into battle with my spirit so that it would not become broken. Perhaps we should clear up some assumptions, albeit this is a sarcastic list, but it is a real list none the less.

Top things to say to a visually impaired person

1 How many fingers am I holding up?

2 Shout loudly, does not matter what you are saying… assume the person also cannot hear.

3 Likewise, assume this person is mentally disabled and slow down your speaking rate dramatically and in a very obvious tone that is equally patronizing and somehow slurred.

4 Ask them if they want to touch your face.

5 Inquire how they get dressed in the morning

6 Rather, assume that they cannot do anything, ever for themselves.

7 Despite it being 2016 and the amazing technology available assume they read brail

8 Use phrases like, “the blind leading the blind”; “I see, said the blind man”

9 Complain about having to wear contact lenses or glasses and what a burden they are for you

10 Only talk about their eyes and vision with them… nothing else, EVER.Assuem they have nothing else to say, discuss, or think about. I mean, like, ever.

Alright, that is all I have for now but rest assured I have countless stories of heartache, discrimination, and ridiculous tails. Today was just another instance of ignorance but even more importantly, a chance for me to practice humility, grace, and courage. 

Here are other things that you should know:

1 Yes, of course, I miss seeing. I think bout it every single day and wonder how my life would be different. How I would be, where I would be, and why this happened.

2 Yes, I remember what everything looks like, including colors.

3 Yes, I do think that I will see again.

4 No, I will not be disappointed if I never do see again.

5 No, you do not have the right to just ask me anything you please about my surgeries, eyes, vision, and life.

6 Yes, I am a regular, average, normal person.

7 NO, I am not mad at you for wondering.

8 I would love to educate you.

9 I realize that I would make a great chiropractor because it requires my hands, not eyes.

10 Yes, I can see some things still such as light

Sometimes grace comes with a side of sarcasm but only because at times it is exhausting defending ones life purpose. But, this only means that I must dig deeper and give more of myself. If I could tell you my deepest secrets it would be that I feel guilty how much I secretly miss being able to see. That I feel guilty that this has happened to me. But that I am also so grateful to be me. I am so grateful to have lived this life and seen and not seen so many things. That if I could, I probably would not change anything. I just ask, that everyone no matter what is given a chance.

This goes beyond disability, race, gender, religion, etc. I wish that we can all learn to go in deep and act with greater grace. Every single person on this earth deserves to be loved, radiate love, and to give love. Every person possesses unique gifts that everyone else can learn from and then reflect out to others. Every person is important and should be respected.

It may appear that I Am just this white woman, well educated, doctor pontificating from my privileged princess pedestal but I am really in the trenches every day. I will dig until I hit in the core of the earth if that is what it takes to get my message out to the universe.

Thank you for indulging my sarcasm today… it can be exhausting living in the trenches of courage but there is no place that I would rather be!

In love & light,

Dr. Elizabeth M. Wisniewski

Vitalistic Visionary, Yoga teacher, Chiropractor